the Maltese Pony
by Ookami The Wolf 1
Summary: Detective Twilight is hired to deliver a package. Simple enough. But mix in a high-class dame, a pegasus racketeer, and a mysterious package and you get a mystery of epic poportions.


The Maltese Pony

By Ookamithewolf1

Authors Note: This is written to feel like an old detective movie from the forties, so while you read it's best to picture it in black and white and shades of grey for the full effect. Also, all styles are 1940s ish (i.e. clothes, vehicles, ect.). If this story puts you in a real noir mood, I suggest watching "Murder, My Sweet" (1947), "The Big Sleep"(1949) and "Garfield: Babes & Bullets" (1989).

Chaper 1: Triple Indemnity

It was a regular day in a regular town called Ponyville. At least I think it's normal. Is a red stallion walking down Stirrup Street in a girdle normal? Sorry, I got off topic. I should have introduced myself first. I'm Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. I'm a shamus. That's another name for a private eye. Nobody calls us that anymore. Anyways it doesn't matter. What does matter just walked into my library.

It was a white unicorn with a long flowing mane and a purple tail with a mesmerizing twist.

She was wearing an exquisite dress decked out in diamonds and rubies and a hat with a brim so large it doubled as an umbrella. She trotted over to my desk and sat down. It was a good thing she sat in the left chair because the right chair has a tendency to collapse under anything heavier than a mouse.

"I need your help." She said

They always do.

"My name is Rarity. I own an extremely exquisite and expensive dress boutique."

"Well then, Miss Rarity, What brings you to this side of town and, more specifically, this office?"

"I need you to collect a package. Oh, and by the way, Ponyville is only ten blocks wide. I can see my shop from here."

"That not important. So, what's the package and where do I get it. And more importantly, why not send it Ponyville express?"

"The 'what' is none of your concern." She said curtly. "To you it's a plain brown package, nothing more."

"Right. Hush hush and all that stuff."

"Precisely. Collect the package from a courier behind the bowling alley at ten tonight. Then take the package and discreetly slip it in my back door. It should fit in the cat door."

"Lets see if I've got this right." I said. "Bowling ally, 10:00 PM, creepy dude, mysterious package, discreet delivery. Is that correct."

"Yes. And I'll pay you handsomely."

At that I jumped up from my desk. "I'll take the job!"

"Of course you will, darling." She said. "Oh, be a dear and clean up this office. It looks like you live in a barn." And with that she was gone.

"A barn! This is a library, not a barn." I said to no pony unparticular.

Late that night Det. Twilight found herself behind the only bowling alley within 50 miles. It was dark out, mostly because it was nighttime. Twilight was wearing a well fitting trench coat and a matching grey fedora. Suddenly a shadowy figure entered the alley. She trotted over and suddenly walked into a dumpster. Twilight approached the dizzy Pegasus, who tried to regain her composure.

"The crow flies at midnight" She said.

"What?" Questioned Twilight.

"That's the code. I say it, then you answer 'and they taste best fried'." Said the cross-eyed pony.

"I think you've got the wrong script. Your just suppose to give it to me and leave.

"Uh, one moment."

The confused filly turned her back and pulled out a book labeled 'script'. She mumbled to herself and then turned back to Twilight.

"Your right. Here's your package. Have a nice day." The messenger pony turned away, tripped over a garbage can, and limped off.

Twilight looked at the package. It was a small box wrapped in brown paper and tied together with twine. It was heavy, too, but Twilight wasn't paid to peek. She also wasn't paid by the hour. She galloped off in the direction of Carousel Boutique. She was passing in front of the town hall when suddenly the streetlamp above her blew out. Among the broken grass on the ground she found a small, round stone.

"Hmm, this stone is perfect for…a slingshot!"

Suddenly something zoomed out of a nearby alley. It was a scooter and it was barring down on her at full speed! Twilight jumped out of the way just in time, dropping the package in the process. The scooter death racer spun back around, grabbed the package, and managed to hit a mud puddle on her escape, splashing twilight.

"Oh no! She got mud all over my new detective's coat…oh, and she took the package, too."

Twilight went home, took a long hot shower, and went to bed. Just before she did she turned the radio on. She liked to fall asleep listening to something peaceful, and for her, 1710 AM was bliss. It was the police band. It helped her sleep because 99% of the time Ponyville police radio was really REALLY boring. Moments later Twilight was sawing log.

…

…

…Zebra 1, come in zebra 1, 453 in progress at 388 Luna Drive. See the woman….

Twilight jumped with a start. She listened as the dispatcher repeated the report. She rushed out of the library and got her flank down to Luna Drive as fast as she could. It was 3AM.

Down in an alley off of Luna Drive Twilight ran into Lt. Zecora.

"Well well, Detective Twilight. What bring you here to make my day all bright."

"Nothing EVER happens in this town so I thought this might be related to a case I'm on. What do we have?"

"Not much so far. A report we had, of several cads. It makes me mad to think we lost these lads."

"I'm going to look around."

Twilight took a look around. There wasn't much. Some hoof prints, a knocked over crate, almost nothing to associate this random assault with her case. Then she saw it.

Down in the corner was a matchbook. It was still full and was clean, as if it was recently dropped. It was for 'The Cloud Club', a nightclub exclusively for pegasus. Opening the matchbook revealed a note written on the inner flap. It said 'Bowling Alley, 10 PM.'

"So it IS related. Interesting…"

She walked back over to Zecora.

"Find anything?" Asked Twilight.

"Just some tracks that only prove, The perpetrator used a scooter to move."

"Really? Thanks."

Twilight ran off and caught a taxi. She took it over to the Cloud club just outside of town. The club was made completely out of clouds, which was the reason it was Pegasus exclusive. Right in front of it was parked the same scooter that had almost run her down. Twilight cast a spell that allowed her to walk on clouds. She went up the cloud stairs and into the club.

Inside blue flashing lights and dub step music filled the club. It was crowded and stuffy, and filled with Pegasus of every class. Twilight spotted the foal that had snatched the package. She followed her into a back room. It was an office. Suddenly two large hoofs grabbed her from behind and tied her to a chair.

"Good job, Thunderling." Said a voice emanating from a large red velvet chair behind a desk.

The chair spun around to reveal a light blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane. Her name was Rainbow Dash. She was a racketeer and the head of the Ponyville underground. Next to her was the scooter filly.

"I know who you are." Said Dash. "You're that hot detective from across town. You know, My mane isn't the only thing about me that's 'Rainbow'."

"You didn't drag me in her and tie me up just to flirt with me."

"True. You have something that I want, Twily."

"What could I possibly have that you would want?"

"Oh, maybe a small, brown PACKAGE!"

"Last I checked your pint-sized flunky ran me down and stole it."

"Hmm, so then it wasn't you who assaulted my delivery foal and took back the package."

"No"

"Then how did you find out about me?"

"Ask your girl if she's missing any matches."

"Pretty good. In that case I want to hire you."

"To retrieve the package?"

"Exactly. The package was mine originally. I suspect Miss Rarity has some clues since she's the one who stole the package from my courier outside of Las Pegasus. Talk to her. Now leave, but visit soon. I have a great private hot tub."

"Ookayyy."

Twilight was untied and escorted out of the club. She caught another cab and took it home. It was nearly light and since this is a noir fic, everything has to happen at night for effect.

Twilight woke up. It was 5pm and the sun was going down. She put on her recently cleaned coat and walked over to the Carousel Boutique. The door was opened. Twilight slowly walked in.

The store was trashed. Dresses were tossed everywhere.

"It seems that Dash's boys beat me to it."

There wasn't much for her to go on. The store was so far trashed that it was impossible to find any clues. Then she spotted a not on a table. It had obviously been placed there after the search. Twilight read it.

I have retrieved my package.

Meet me at Sweet Apple Acres cider plant

-Miss Rarity

"I don't think Rarity would be mugging people in dark allies. She must have help. I should see my informant."

Twilight made her way towards the Everfree forest. On its edge was the cottage of Fluttershy. Twilight found her out feeding her carrier pigeons.

"Fluttershy!"

"Eep!"

"Sorry. I need info on the owner of the dress boutique in town."

"You mean Miss Rarity? Sophisticated, appears wealthy, recently out of the country for several months. Just returned to town last week"

"Does she have any associates?"

"One younger sister, goes by the name of Sweetiebell."

"Thanks Flutters." Said Twi as she ran off.

The pieces were starting to fall together. Rarity had stolen the package from Rainbow Dash while abroad. She had someone else smuggle it across the country and used twilight in case of trouble. Rainbow stole the package back and Sweetiebell re-stole it. Now she just had to find out what the package was.

Twilight rushed to the Sweet Apple Acres Cider plant. It was dark (duh).

"Hello, is anypony here? It's Twilight."

"Twilight, its Rarity. Are you alone."

"No I've got the entire Canterlot Rugby team with me. Of course I'm alone, but I bet your not. Are you there, Sweetiebell?"

"How did you …" Started Sweetiebell.

"Not important. What do you want, Miss Rarity?"

"I need you to protect us."

"First show me the package."

Rarity unwrapped the package to reveal a solid statue of a unicorn leaping into the air.

"A plain black statue? This is what this whole thing is about?" Shouted Twilight.

"No no, this is the Maltese Pony. It's actually pure jade and decorated in rare gems and gilded in gold. Its worth over 5 million bits! It was painted black to hide it from those who would want to steal it."

"How does Rainbow Dash figure into this?"

"You know about her!"

"Yes, now spill it before I try my hand at being violent."

"Fine. RD and I have had a rivalry on who would get their hoofs on it first. And now, I've won."

"Not yet!" Said a mysterious filly.

"I know you." Said Twilight as a red-maned foal stepped out of the shadows. "You're the sister of the owner of this apple farm."

"Right, now hand over the Maltese Pony and nobody gets hurt. I know Karate."

Rarity handed over the package.

"Now to see if this things real." Said Applebloom. She took a knife and peeled off some paint. Underneath it was green. Jade green.

"I see it's the real thing." Said another voice. All heads turned to see Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo walking in.

"Now that everyone is here we can finish it. Squirt, get my pony statue. Twilight, would you like to accompany me home. We could have lots of 'fun'."

"Uh, no and 'what'?"

"Twilight, sister, get my jade pony!" Ordered Rarity.

"No." Said Sweetiebell.

"What?" Said a surprised Rarity.

"Sorry Rainbow Dash, but your not getting this pony statue today either." Said Scootaloo.

"You're in cahoots with the prissy one's sister?" Stammered Rainbow Dash.

"Actually all three of them are in it together, aren't you girls."

"What!" Gasped Rarity.

"That's Right." Said Applebloom. "But how did you know?"

"Easy," said Twilight," this is the big reveal at the end of the story where that tired plot contrivance is used where the detective figures out the final clue but fails to tell the readers until the end."

"So what's the clue?" Asked Rainbow.

"They all have…(dramatic pause)…blank flanks!"

"What? That it! Lots of ponies have blank flanks!" Said Rarity.

"Yes, but they're the only ones in this story." Said Twilight. "It makes perfect sense. Now what do you plan to do?"

"Applejack has a cart waiting outside that's gonah take us away from here, then we'll auction off the thing and be millionaires." Said Applebloom.

"The three of them ran out the door and down the drive to a cart hooked up to Applejack. They got in the cart and took off toward the rising sun. Eventually they sold it, became millionaires, and all got their cutie marks in art theft. How was that, girls?"

It was Spike. He had just finished telling the cutie mark crusaders a story starring themselves.

"THAT WAS AWSOME!" Said the trio.

"SPIKE!" Yelled Rainbow Dash, running up to them in a fury. "Fluttershy just told me you're telling a story with a gay me in it. I'm strait! Ask Soarin. When I get my hands on you…"

"Its the stuff that dreams are made of, Rainbow." Said spike as he and the cutie mark crusaders ran off to avoid Rainbow's rage.

THE END.


End file.
